I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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