I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
