and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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