I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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