For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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