just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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