I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
