I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
