What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You may now shotgun with the bride
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
its liver damage thursday
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
