It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
