there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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