Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
