you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
