it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
