all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
