On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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