I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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