Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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