I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
