I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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