Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
