just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He shit in the fireplace
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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