JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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