If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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