So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
