I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
