Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
