The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
