You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
