ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize