first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
