She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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