I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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