he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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