Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
