have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
