He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
