I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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