i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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