guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
