i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize