I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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