I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
