Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
