he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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