You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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