he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
