Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
