Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
