the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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