My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
