I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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