Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't turn off my feet"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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