I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
