you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
