Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
