5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
