she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You may now shotgun with the bride
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
