At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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