So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
