how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize