Porn is love you can see.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
