The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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