we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
