I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize