Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Are we still banned from the library?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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