So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
