Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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