So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
