Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
