One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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