we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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