I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
